Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm having to shit out rocks
True college students do jello shots in the library
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