you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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