So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
