nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
