he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
