why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
