The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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