I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
