theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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