Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you made out with another girl for some wings
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
