I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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