lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
