Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
