That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just pee around me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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