Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize