Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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