Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
