Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
