found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
