Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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