The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
