worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
