but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Girls should come with a carfax report
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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