you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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