I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
