Moan for me like Helen Keller
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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