i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
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Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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