Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
