I just cut my nipple shaving
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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