I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
