He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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