You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
