it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just high enough for therapy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
