this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
