You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
