I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
