TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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