Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize