My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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