so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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