hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
