oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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