I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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