last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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