I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
