I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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