...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
