I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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