too bad you live with your parents still
Just cropdusted the office
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
