Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
