I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
