when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
