Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
