So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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