Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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