How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Boobs are out for the taking
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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