Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
