it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is Oprah even human
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
