idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
