How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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