I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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