Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
