i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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