I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize